A Trip To The Past:

Reuniting with family after I started my healing journey

Today I’m travelling to reunite with most of my family- my mom, sister and both brothers. It’s been half a decade since I’ve last seen my mom and youngest brother, almost a decade since my other brother and my sister. As I have gone through my healing journey tumultuous as is it is- this is trip is the biggest test yet. 

As most of you may know family is the one that triggers us the most, why? Because they’ve known us the longest and have seen us through our rockiest cringiest periods of our lives. They know what buttons to push without consciously pushing them.

And at first I was worried about how I would react if they don’t accept me, or if they step over the boundaries I’ve set and trigger me, rather than looking at myself. The truth of the matter, they probably have not gone through the same journey, maybe they’re doing it in a different way or maybe they haven’t started, but all this has nothing to do with me. 

I had to look within myself, how can I ask them to accept me when I already have a preconceived notion of them. How do I not want then to judge me when I have prejudged them before seeing them. The dissonance in what I say I want and what I project was clear as daylight and I couldn’t not see it.

Ultimately, I had to sit with myself without judging myself and just gently guide her into love. I had to make sure that she knows I will protect her now and that she’s safe. I dropped into my breath and went through what is it that I can control and what is out of my hand.

My healing, my path, my perceptions are in my control. How I feel and what I allow of others is in my control, how I interpret others words and actions is in my hand.  How I project, speak and act is all up to me, do I want to show love to others or continue the cycle of hurt. The cycle ends with me. I won’t participate in it any longer. 

So I decided to go have fun, enjoy my time and keep an open mind about the whole trip. It’s quite simple but it hasn’t been easy and that’s okay, I’m learning and will continue to mess up and try again. My perfection lies in my imperfections, my perfection lies in me being human and having the grace to show up as I am, I’m not a Goddess that can never do wrong, well not in this lifetime. I’m learning to embrace being human and allow things flow without holding on to them.

So as I’m writing this on my way to them, I feel more excited, more compassionate and more accepting of love from myself and others.

P.S. I took this photo from the flight over Houston while I wrote this post :).